This year we decided to spend family holidays on Croatian island Pašman and join Harmony program. Harmony program includes various seminars, spiritual workshops, yoga, dances and other activities. One of those activities were evening lessons of oriental dance for women.

I had no intention of going at first. »Such things are not for me.« But then a new acquaintance said with a big smile: »See you this evening on the dances, we’ll shake it a bit!« »Ah well…« I was about to say I wouldn’t go, but then I looked at her. About 50 years old, sportive, a bit rough, yang energy type. »If she can do it, I can do it.« I said to myself. And in the evening, out of curiosity, there I was.

And there we were. Women of all age, all kind of looks, chubby, skinny, in bathing suits, dresses, anything…as if blown together by the wind from all sides of the sky.

Our teacher Mirjam was unique. Pleasant, elegant, proud of her feminine posture with curves in all the right places. She moved like a gazelle using her body without shame. Us students, significantly stiffer, discovered we needed to learn how to walk first. Demonstration of »Slovenian walk« caused waves of laughter. Slovene women walk like robots: leaned forwards, head leading the way and legs following mechanically behind. »It is because we are always in the head with thougths raging and legs hardly following.« Mirjam said. It was true. This »Western women walk« was all but gracious.

So we started walking slowly, straight up, using abdominal muscles, opening plexus, swinging the hips and buttocks softly. Many were now exaggerating, pressing hips forwards so that the upper part was following behind now. It hardly looked elegant, it was even worse than before! But where there’s will, there’s a way! With practice we improved.

As I was walking like this, I suddenly felt intense waves of shivers all over my body, from head to toes. As if body’s intelligence was slowly taking over, reclaiming back its power. Inside me I started feeling beauty of a woman who cherishes her feminine nature and embraces it with joy. Smooth moves, bare feet, tigress’ walk. I wanted this »once along the way« lost feeling back. I painfully realized we don’t usually feel like this. Many women don’t dare walk like this, as they would be stigmatized, judged negativelly. Many don’t dare to wear light dresses and skirts. Too many were looking to the floor giggling in embarrassment when talking about using pelvic muscles and rising of the sexual energy.

And yet we were all there every evening learning diligently how to dance, how to use hips and other parts of our bodies we hadn’t been using much up till then. None of us fitted the consumers’ society western ideal of feminine beauty. But we were all beautiful! Looking at us I saw it with cutting clarity – how great part of our womanhood, of who we are, our birthright has been taken away from us by the society of »shoulds and oughts«.»Many of you are not conscious of your own beauty, but you are here dancing over and over again! Dancing and claiming your feminine essence back!« I thougth to myself. My whole body was vibrating in shivers thinking that. Maybe for the first time in my life I felt belonging: belonging to women of this planet. Belonging to feminine tribe. Being proud to belong.

Every night I was returning home from the dances renewed, happy, grateful, admiring starry summer sky. I felt strong, hot electric current going through crown of my head down the spine. After a long time I felt attractive, strong, full of sexual creative energy. I felt like… a woman!